#im sorry theyre too scary for me
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True heartbreak is realising you're not a Barty kinnie because you have a crippling phobia of sharks but he would absolutely love them and think they're the most adorable thing on earth
#my life will never be the same#dead gay wizards from the 70s#marauders era#barty crouch jr#love of my life#im sorry theyre too scary for me
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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they banned ap psych in florida cuz the class ap discusses sexuailty and gender which violates ron desantis' piece of shit dont say gay law so fuck you ron for that
in the college board statement they say it was banned because "teaching foundational content on sexual orientation and gender identity is illegal under state law" which is bullshit because these gov leaders believe anything lgbtq is a brain disease so you'd think theyd keep the brain learning class
they banned ap african american studies because "it lacks educational value and historical accuracy" which is making it easier for them to erase black history that is so intertwined with the history of this country that most everything here is so deeply antiblack
this mf has his head so far up his ass that hes ruining our education system even more than it already was
#fuck you ron desantis i hate you so much I hate you i hate you i hate yoy#and cuz me nd my friends are tryna reach our counselors to see whats up or if theyre rearranging schedules and keep mentioning him#i keep getting ron desantis ads ab if i want to elect him president of the united fucking states of America#and then it was an ap class i was interested in taking cuz i thought itd be cool to learn about so fuck you ron for that too#and THEN it was the only class i knew ppl in. ljke half the class was ppl ive seen before or talked too#im ranting ab missing out on the class nd not seeing my friends but its really a bigger issue than that#like its scary hes using his power to attack lgbtq communities and kids and then he has enough support that hes rallying for head seat#its not safe here at all i cannot fucking wait to leave#ron desantis#us politics#ap psychology#college board#lgbtq#so mad im shaking im so sorry if this doesnt make any sense but school starts in a week exactly nd im tryna figure out the little issue#l speaks#keep talking l#ranting in the tags because i can#black history#racism
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get rejuv blasted again!! only this time i have like a three week backlog of things i forgot to post here
#so ill be posting all of that all at once ^_^ bare with me#yea sorry most of this is glitter girl again. i hate her#anyways where did i post all of this before? twitter! i have made a terrible mistake.#bro its so scary over there. theres so many people over there and theyre all so so nice what the hell.#i mean there’s probably a bunch of awful ones too but i only went there to look at pretty rejuv art and to post my random idiocy there also#but anyways. all the people there are so cool theyre so awesome i love all of their art so bad#its soso so scary though i am terrified daily of that place#ill never hit it but if i hit 100 followers there im deactivating immediately#only reason i havent yet is because my friend would yell at me and i wouldnt be able to look at the cool art anymore#anywqys wahoo yahey yippe yay pokemon rejuvenation wee#pokemon rejuvenation
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#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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the mortifying ordeal of having to text people back or whatever people say
#i am..... once again stressing too much#i have people who i have not texted back in literal WEEKS (and theyre still activly messaging me anyways)#its. scary#i always tell myself “oh yeah ill reply later” and then its been 2 days and now its awkward and id have to explain myself#and then its been 3 weeks#uh#sorry to everyone about that#it will happen again. its happening rn#....i know nobody im close with would judge me for that but. ough. social interaction. someone get me out of here. can we bring letters back
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put my loadouts into one team called PNK and theyre pink because i am very normal about the color pink. also yes i did change my loadouts drastically again. whats it to ya huh. huh. (i am addicted to scrap tf someone take this fucking website away from me)
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 pyro#tf2 spy#tf2 engineer#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#tf2 sniper#tf2 soldier#thats a lot of tags sorry#my posts have been doing horrible as of late so i hope you guys like this one#they all have the same emblem and its a heart#do not ask what pnk stands for. is it funny? yes! is it appropriate? not at all#soldiers hat flew off of him like that one maya winky video in the doom image btw . he has hair. so scary#I GOT A BALLOONICORN ALSO!!! i was thinking of selling my reindoonicorn cuz of this#but no.. im too attatched to him atp lol#theyre homophobic dog coded to me#pyro is the team leader id like to think#just cuz hes got one of my fave loadouts#sniper has like a kenny mccormick thing going on#he can speak. he can be understood#only spy really cares enough to hear what hes saying though. it sounds like gibberish to everyone else#spy is the sniper translator basically#yes they r sniperspy . except sniper loves spy and spy acts like he doesnt but has the biggest soft spot for him ever#the woke left is making sniperspy WHOLESOME!!!#anyways im sleepy. also i have a pimple groing on my lip and it really hurts#that moght be tmi but i am pained#ok anyways. goodnight guys
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dreamily sighs and screams
#getting emotional about ben because im never normal about ANYTHING in my life ......#just hdgjdfg UHFDGF WAH#hes so special to me....... probably why the colour green means so much to me... why its always been a fav colour of mine for who knows how#long#i like red too... obviously.#but like#he is so special to me. like i said. hes so special to me and i get ridiculously happy#i forgot how happy he makes me....#genuinely forgot how comforting this fandom is..... its so comforting#whys gushing on here so scary. i dont know. it makes no sense.#ughhhhhh#i mean ive been thinking about fanon a lot i love fanon so much it is so special to me#found family trope fr#but like sometimes i think how people treat fanon him and it makes me so sad :(#or maybe im remembering it incorrectly#but theyre always so mean to him .... or make him this comic relief character in fics#like yeah!!! he is REALLY SILLY!!!!!#but we forget hes a trickster!!!! he likes playing devious means to others!!!!!#hes so smart to me i dont know!!!!! he goes through your electronics!!!! he can mess with your files!!!!#honestly he can probably do more than that im just jittery with nerves lol#but oh ok guys. lets just make the coolest guy ever just be the comic relief gamer instead ok man. whatever.#i like the fact fanon depicts him as a gamer thats fun i love that so much :)#BUT STILL HDUGJFGFHFG#HES SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT IM GOING TO THROW MYSELF INTO ORBIT#hes so special to me. hes the worst guy ever when he wants to be. he probably has attachment issues. hes just a silly little guy.#hes everything to me#<- i wish i can remember more and more about him but i cant#all i know is i remembered cleverbot and how you could “interact” with him through it and it made me so ridiculously happy ;-;#of course i know now it was people just playing around and hoping to get something out of it BUT ITS NICE TO THINK ABOUT#sorry hes the most fascinating character to me in the entire world
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is it autism or is it a symptom of previous longterm social isolation and lack of agency ?
#i think. im not good at being a person.#ive finally gotten some alone time and i am reflecting. and well.#i dont think you can make me socially aware ^-^ i dont think i'll ever get good at it.#i donknow why ^-^👍 and i dont think it matters 👍#i think hes getting tired of me alreadyyyy......#and i think. lots of other ppl . dont see me wout him already also.#ive managed this already... impressive ^-^#but the japanese international girls like me so !!! it doesnt matter !!! i have. two nice friends. and 1 intimidating friend.#i will not get bullied or made fun of or be in ungetoutable bad situations bc of. mafia friend.#and then i will recharge and be silly around. nice friends.#i think the fact that im actively thinking about this. doesnt do anything for my case.#i think. im getting masking lessons. when i hang out w him. if it really is the autism. and im failing a little bit.#he thinks ive got anxiety. 💭💭 psych major ass. sorry. my roommates also psych major. why are they. talkers.#theyre scawy.#they both got adhd too. whats with that#anyway.#i want to get a haircut.#and hes like. well. hes literally 4 real a model. and his mom was a model. and all his friends were. guess what. models.#so. scary. so i will go to a shitty salon w a nice normal level of social skill friend and then not say anything i think.#i love yapping on here this is awesome. i can just say anytging.#non u know me in real life#how did i end up making friends w the most 'popular guy' guy in the world this is so stressful.#everyone likes him. there are ppl who only talk to me to get an idea of where he might be at. what happened.#howd i go from friendless loser to. loser but in a completely different friend environment. friends w guy who is too good at making friends#but chooses to hang out w me ? does he choose to do that. is it all coincidence?#how did i get here. it really doesnt feel real#i want. to . explode.#yknow i never even really talked to boys before this also. wtf. wtf..#i have only been saying nice things so far i think but i think its important to know that he. scares me. hes so from bc.#i have always been scared of island ppl theyre. all so mad always. and guess what he is too. and yet here i am.
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sniffles sadly. every day im so sad that fnaf didnt go with placing vanny into aftons role.... god forbid women do anything ! ! !
#just saw gtlive finish the first ending n like. urgh#maybe if i liked eclipse more i wouldnt mind how prevalent they r but woof man#like i get it its charlie and evil baby or whatever in the same body but come onnnnn#that and the candy cadet stories just bashing the same kid going into woods framework into the ground#i miss when it was like. this dude sewed 5 kittens together! this lady melted 7 keys! stuff like that yk that was different and scarier#i do rlly think the series is going toward this like polished marketable thing instead of the grimy sludge i liked .... </3 and the AI stuf#is sooooo boring like fuuuuck its so boring. i wouldnt mind if its charliebots bc at least theyre interesting !!!!#but mimic as the new villian? bro. dude. thats so boring come on... afton was interesting bc he was fucked up severly#and robots r just like. theyre just robots dude its not even scary its just a thing being programmed smh#without the afton behind it its kinda just ..... bleh#honestly i wish they would cap the story? like make vanny take aftons role; do some shit; end it in a tragic but cathartic way#and then if they want to make more games do either other families in universe (like fazbear frights) or prequels/ world building shit like#something set in circus babys pizza world or w/e .i mean you could argue its about cassie now but if her dad is bonnie bro we're still stuc#in the afton central place. and i dont like that hteyre moving on without wrapping up the 102938120 loose ends they already made URGH ! !#is it too much to ask for a fnaf game thats crusty round the edges and really metaphorical for theorists to dig into but logical enough it#can be solved and also creates a good plotline . yeah i guess hell will freeze over before that#d.txt#sorry im sooooo normal about fnaf <- is abnormal. fuhnaffs theories r GREAT thoguh i love that guy he makes me happy about the franchise :o
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its so wild seeing how non mmo players exist and well. i dont like it!
#i saw an iceberg bass by and i. dont want to be anywhere near that iceberg#if youve never played over 100 hours of any mmo. i dont trust you or your opinions about video games tbh.#like sorry talking to people on a video game is scary. skill issue.#also. also. also. controversial opinion but subscription based games arent actually bad. shocking i know#its a super big pet peeve when people hate on mmos for being. mmos. like. what did you expect lol???#or they hate on mmos for. gasp. needing consistent funding to keep running#if i said my opinions about single player games yall would attack me with hammers#single player games are boring as FUCK#ive only ever beaten two singleplayer games and it was hollow knight and nier replicant#i cant bring myself to play any other ones cause theyre just not interesting#like in theory i like bg3 but in practice i cant. be fucking bothered#that game is just. Too Much#which is rich coming from a FFXIV player who LOVES Bozja but like#i love being around people at all times and i hate doing things alone on the account of the autism#and unless i drag people into playing bg3 with me when i want to play it its just not worth it#i have to figure out the systems by myself and i have no motivation to keep playing (yeah i could just google it but. thats not my point)#like honestly. singleplayer games make me feel like im wasting my time.#why would i play bg3 by myself when i could be afk in limsa watching people argue in shout chat. which is much more fun
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just found out one of the enhypen boys who i believed was 16 or summ is actually my age WTFFFF youre a 20 yr old minor tf are you doing in a kpop group you should be chilling and unwinding
#as awful as it may sound im desensitized to seeing a 15 yr old going through their fourth nose job on inkigayo im used to it#but seeing someone my age sends a shiver down my spine bc that could be mee thankfully not but shits soo scary#and hes not even the youngest either i feel sick.. actually all the enhypen boys are way too fucking young wdym the oldest is 22 ????? HUH?#the youngest being 17 doesnt shock me for some reason but the oldest should be in his mid thirties im sorry thats how i was raised#and theyre all gonna age horribly too heeseungs only 22 and has new eyelids new veneers new nose new chin every 3 months likee#no 20 yr old face should be put through all that and none of them are safe thats whats crazy about this they all look unnatural asf#i know their face dysmorphia goes crazy bc constantly getting implants and botox since youre 18 is insane
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so furious and enraged over a horse game that im trembling. genuinely. stole my fucking unicorn right from under me. punching holes through drywall and screaming so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so fucking loud
#:) typing those so's. in a rhythm. sounded like horses hooves. :)#i dont even like horses to be quite honest. i play this game 100 percent because of nostalgia i really dont like them#theyre way way way too big for my personal tastes and their fucking teeth scare the shit out of me#i try to be full of whimsy and feed my grandpa's horse an apple? it comes at me with its fucking tombstone teeth#jesus#i have ended up just tossing the apple in its paddock 100 percent of the time. way too scary#and even if it didnt bite me what then? then it slobbers horse slobber on me? it gets me with its weirdly structureless lips??#it's just too much. im nauseous just thinking about it#im sorry this is so cruel to horses. im sorry horses. but please don't come near me#plus the last time i rode a horse i (TMI SORRY) pissed blood in a mcdonalds bathroom and cried#why am i saying any of this. sorry. it's literally 1 pm and i haven't been able to sleep yet somehow#even though ive been trying since 6 am :(#if youve read this far i am giving you an apple and getting so so so scared of your teeth and throwing the apple at your feet and#running away
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The desire to lock all my works to registered users only vs the knowledge that if I go into edit mode on my profile that delete button is gonna look a little too tasty
Frrr artists deleting their stuff that I like because they think its shitty/they suddenly dont like that it's doing numbers on the public site they voluntarily posted on is my number one pet peeve since I was twelve and it's all that's keeping some of my stuff up rn
But anyway I'm probably gonna lock all my works soon because it turns out the data scraping thing was real i think I'm going to be sick. That's a piece of myself that most likely got put in a meat grinder made of pieces of peoples love and Hope's and dreams sewn together mish mash and not in a cool gory way but in like a. . Hm. A person-kept-alive-on-machinery-fifteen-years type way. Like art made by people is alive but then someone came along and started goin at it aall with a tire iron and took all those bits and made a piece of meat shaped like a person and went "look at my Human Person art" even tho its never opened its eyes or done anything but sleep and doesnt have like, any brain function just a heartbeat
Lol what if we all handwrite fics and then scan the pages and share as pdfs files haaha..
#man im kinda an idiot for thinking it was a picture artist issue and not like a writer issue too#''this is too scary to think about so it doesn't affect me' confidently says human not rwalizng theyre falling into a very easy and common#mind trap thats literally in like every textbook ever#anyway sorry to every person who saw this coming who had to listen to me saying it wasnt gonna happen. im sorry#god im so stupid
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bluerhhh WHY do people put gross photos in their articles i hate that i hate thatttt... im just reading through articles so i can feel more at ease with a spider near my bed (because there's no way for me kill him without getting close, which i will not be doing, and a vacuum is going to wake up everyone in my house) and wikihow was really helpful and nice but ughhh the moment i clicked into an article if spiders move around more at night or day there were SO many photos of the most big and grossest of them just. eughh im going to throw up i can't even think about it. anyway. can we. can we change that somehow. that shouldn't be allowed.
#i hate having arachnophobia because as it is so scary it is also just. very annoying.#because i KNOWW theyre not going to do anything to me (especially the ones we have in my country) but. the moment i get closer#brrhhh that wave of fear washes through me and im about to have a panic attack#FOR NO REASON TOO#HES JUST A BLACK BALL FOR ME I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IM SCARED SO BADLY#i do actually that was a lie#sigh#very heavily considering going to my sisters or parents room to sleep tonight shhss im too scared to sleep in my own bed#(rereading this and noticing many grammatical mistakes sorry im not abt to fix all that im so tired shsh)
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yet again wondering when ill realize that certain people do not change and are always going to try to fuck me up ):
#self#basically this friend i have who is....an enigma#we have had like 3 or 4 falling outs bc shes a fucking psychopath and loses her shit a few times a year since ive known her#anyways last night she came at me WRECKLESS claiming shes been told i said some horrible ass shit about her that i Literally Did Not#and she said some mean ass shit to me#anyways....i keep trying to pretend like its not effecting me but like....no it fucking sucks to have someone you were incredibly close with#just decide theyre going to believe other people over you#she was being so mean and i made it so ungodly obvious that i dont feel negatively about her and that i genuinely just wish her well#and everyone ive talked to about it that knows her just keeps trying to get me to block her and all say the same hateful stuff they always#used to when it comes to her...which trust me at this point i fucking get it#but i hate that i still want to defend her after she refused to listen to me and basically called me a charity case#fun fact cunt!! i actually have other friends and people who genuinely want me around meanwhile besides me all you have is friends who have#told me they think you are literally dangerous and scary and you have your mom and shitty fiance and your god damn baby#but sure im the fucking charity case#im also just....i am too fucking old for this shit and shes even older than me and has a god damn kid like im begging you just mature a bit#not to god damn mention she blamed every single one of her problems on me NEWSFLASH no i didnt sister#that was all you and your doing!!!#anyways sorry for the rant and god bless anyone who read these tags i am So Sorry
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